Were you happy in 2016? Great, do that again in 2017. Stop saying you’re going to do things you really don’t want to do. Just stop it. We’re going to have enough eejits spewing nonsense our way over the next few months. Let’s just be true to ourselves, yeah? Here’s some shit that I’m not going to be doing this year.
1. Jump out of anything from a height or try an extreme sport. Would humans PLEASE stop doing things that will likely kill and/or maim them? Stop being stupid!
2. Eat less cheese. Nobody should ever have to do that.
3. Drink less. I drink the perfect amount thank you very much.
4. Stop worrying about the people I love. It’s just what I do.
5. Stop complaining.
6. Be less judgemental. Sure we all love a cheeky judge. Careful now.
7. Watch less crap TV.
7½. Stop rewatching Gilmore Girls and Buffy. You can’t make me.
8. Stop procrastinating. Some of my silliest ideas came to me when I was supposed to be doing something else.
9. Learn a new language. Like, that’d take AGES.
10. Get rid of old shoes and bags. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my safe place: Fort LoaferTote.